HTTP://WWW DOT WHEATONCOLLEGE DOT EDU: Internet Website, or “ironic hipster t-shirt?”
WE SIMPLY DO NOT KNOW.
Wheaton: Ideally Located Next To Sporty’s, Methadone Clinic |
Mon Feb 08, 2010 Riley Waggaman @ 12:41 AM |
Live-Bloggin’ the dickens out of the activities fair, PART II |
Wed Feb 03, 2010 Riley Waggaman @ 04:55 PM |
4:54 PM - Riley Here. Molly is GONE. Hannah is….sipping on beverages. Our booth is squished between Anime Club and Spanish Club. Coinicidence or fate?
5:00 - Molly had no good pictures on her computer. Except for this guy. WHO IS THIS MOLLY?
5:08 - Hm.
5:10 - Oh look somebody with a lightsaber.
5:17 - And a scooter.
5:17 - This is a pretty tame fair. As far as fairs go. In the traditional sense.
5:20 - “WESENDONK?” “I’m good, thanks.”
5:22 - What other things can we shout at people as they walk by?
5:27 - HERE THEY COME. HERE THEY COME. COMIN’ DOWN THE MOUNTAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNN THROUGH THE DOORS OF BALFOUR
5:32 - I don’t remember the password to the Wheaton2014 twitter. How will we live-twat now?
5:35 - Answer: We won’t.
5:36 - “I’m on the Rugby team and I’m on the Frisbee Team blah blah blah…” SNOOZE!
5:37 - someone from the fencing clubsocietyteam just gave me the stink eye.
5:41 - gotta go! Hannah will be taking over from here….
5:44 - My first live blog ever, eek! I’ve never felt so alive!
5:46 - I’m starting to feel less alive… there sure are a lot of people avoiding eye-contact with me…
5:48 - One thing I love is that girl that just talked to me. Don’t know her name but would definitely nominate her for the position of someone’s godparent. Not mine but maybe someone else’s. You know how that is…
5:53 - Am I doing this right? I don’t know anything anymore!
5:54 - I’m wondering if they make license plate frames that say something along the lines of, “I’d rather be at Hogwarts!” Can someone get back to me on that?
6:00 - It’s six o’ clock, do you know where President Crutcher is?
6:04 - Today I saw a PUPPY outside chase. He was sitting in mud just asking to cuddle. Another reason to like Wheaton, occasional puppy sightings!
6:10 - I’m feeling a slight draft. Is that coming from the SWSTT (Students Who Support The Tradewinds) club or the door that I’m stationed next to?
6:15 - Scratch that. That club blew off campus with the Bush Administration.
6:16 - I’m feeling confused, weak, shaky. Where’s my intern with my hot chocolate?
6:18 - I wish I had an intern who brought me hot chocolate.
6:19 - NO, a PUPPY who brought me hot chocolate, or better, NUTELLA! Yes, I wish I were surrounded by puppies, some sleepy, some ready to play, but all sporting a jar of nutella on their backs. Ohhhhh!
6:23 - Here’s Jacob Korzun, he’s sporting a swishy orange jacket.
6:33 - Hannah taunts rugby team.
6:34 - Hannah gets a black eye.
6:36 - Really wanna hear about Anime Club’s animes.
6:37 - Turns out the plural of anime is anime. Thanks Anime Club.
6:40 - ~*FaRtZ*~
6:48 - Is what Jacob smells like.
6:55 - Jacob’s licking some creme de la creme right now. In public, Jacob, really?
7:00 - In honor of the hour changing, Hannah intimately reveals that her fur-sona is a golden retriever.
7:00 - It’s ’cause I’m so loyal eat food off the floor, Jacob.
7:11 - No one is here anymore. I think it’s time to pack up! We got 122,762,432 members this year! Thanks fer blagging with us everyone!
In Which the Wesendonk Editors Liveblog the Activities Fair |
Wed Feb 03, 2010 Molly Labell @ 04:38 PM |
4:32 We got a sick table! And fliers! And a sign! (Wesendonk BFFAETDDUPKAMNBSUSTAL Hannah Allen made it, NBD.) We’re sitting in between the Anime Club and the Spanish Club. The activities fair is nothing if not coherent.
4:34 The Wheaton Times has a way cool banner. God bless ‘em!
4:37 I get so nervous. When people walk by the table.
4:39 HI! this is hannah allen. (the first one)…(the real one)… i just want to say one thing: where’s riley?!????
READ MORE
FUN ACTIVITIES FROM 5 TIL 7 |
Wed Feb 03, 2010 Riley Waggaman @ 01:49 PM |
Guten Morning! There is an activities fair from 5-7ish in Balfour. Wesendonk will be there! This time for real, with pamphlets and stuff (?). Maybe one of your editors will remember to bring a laptop, and then we can liveblog and livetwat (http://twitter.com/wheaton2014!!!) all night long. Maybe. Who can be sure of anything in this post-9/11 world?
Norton Attacked By Mongrel Comcast Van! |
Mon Feb 01, 2010 Riley Waggaman @ 12:48 PM |
From the Annals of The Norton Police Blotter:
5:11 p.m. - Three to four males were reported in a bright red Jeep style vehicle going around soliciting services for Comcast. Comcast was contacted.
Oh Norton! What a goofy thing to solicit.
In Which Molly Live Blogs the Writing of Her Senior Seminar Paper |
Tue Dec 22, 2009 Molly Labell @ 06:02 PM |
Fifteen pages in one night on the structure of love in the African American novel! I’ve got Coca-Cola, Cup-of-Noodles, and pants with some give. IT’S ON!
5:51 PM: I read on WheatonFML that some guy saw a girl in the library down her Adderall with coffee. Thanks for the good idea, WheatonFML.
6:00 PM: Is it my imagination or are the bells playing “Last Christmas” by Wham? This is weird.
6:04 PM: John Lennon died 29 years ago today. And Tiger Woods is having marital trouble. Who can WORK at a time like this?
READ MORE
Conspiracy theorists insist Wesendonk is still alive |
Sun Dec 20, 2009 Elizabeth Cady Stanton @ 03:18 PM |
Dear Wheaton,
Hi. Elizabeth Cady Stanton here with a public service annoucement: We suck at updating. Whatever. Now there’s WheatonFML and we’re counting down the days until Wheaton gets one of those miserable Good Crush pages so what’s the point, anyway?
THE POINT? Has that ever stopped us?
Of course not.
We will prevail.
Wesendonk welcomes ‘The Wheaton Times’ to the Internet! |
Tue Oct 27, 2009 Riley Waggaman @ 09:36 AM |
Welcome welcome welcome WELCOME. Hello! Bonjourno (sp?).
CLICK —-> The Wheaton Times
p.s. — We totally have hot scoops for you, hot scoops that would make great STORIES, stories that quite frankly we are too lazy to write. Facebook us or something.
HELL YEAH: Wheaton’s tuition ranked 65th in the country! |
Fri Oct 23, 2009 Riley Waggaman @ 03:07 PM |
Clockin’ in at an even $49,155, Our Very Own Wheaton beat snobby Yale, MIT, Brown, and basically all those other “elite” institutions.
Smell that? Prestige.
UPDATE: Last year we were ranked 50th! What happened? To be quite curt, this is preposterous.
‘Deconstructing Wheaton’s Alcohol Policy’ Revisited |
Fri Oct 16, 2009 Charlotte Brunsdon @ 06:53 AM |
Editor’s Note: About 1,000 years ago Wesendonk published a rather lengthy piece entitled Deconstructing Wheaton’s Alcohol Policy (clicky clicky!). Anywho, our resident Oxford-educated lawyer Charlotte Brunsdon gave it a read the other day and then promptly wrote up a comment. It’s quite good:
This is intended to add a note of support to the article here published on ‘Deconstructing Wheaton’s Alcohol Policy’. That article dealt with Wheaton’s policy of rigorously supervising student alcohol consumption and incisively drew the line between ‘condoning’ underage drinking, which of course no public body can be seen to do, and ‘enforcing’ alcohol laws, which no college has the authority to do. READ MORE